Maybe we haven’t seen each other in a while. Maybe we have, but it’s been over a screen and you needed a real human connection that I couldn’t give you. Because 2020 has been a rough year so far, I’m trying everything I can think of to reach out and let you know that I’m here, I care, and I want to help. So let’s get to it. One thing we’re hearing a lot of lately is “when are things going back to normal?” Kids are definitely saying it. Politicians and other community leaders are trying to figure it out. Local businesses need it to happen. Our lives have been turned inside out in the era of Corona Virus, Working from Home, and spending Way Too Much Time with ourselves and Our Families. The onset of summer likely does not look like you think it should. Some of us needed this break. Others feel anxious or overwhelmed, especially those with health issues or who have taken on additional roles as teachers and caretakers. Maybe you had to cancel or put off important milestones. I see all of you. I encourage you to see, honour, respect, and support others in your midst. For those few who might be driving you a little bit crazy, well, take a few deep breaths. This too shall pass.We are all struggling. Meanwhile, important work can be done within each of us and in our relationships while the rest of life is on hold. According to my son in the car the other day, our job is to move “always forward, never straight.”
As for this “normal” idea, I have a few thoughts on that, maybe best summarized in the title of this letter: NORMAL IS BULLSHIT! First, your normal doesn’t look like anyone else’s, and that is very okay. Normal is really just anything an individual is willing to accept consistently over time. Define your normal and“Do You.” Second, consider what parts of your version of normal you really want to restore, andthose you’d like to move on from. Now is a good time to meditate on making those changes, and put a plan into action. There’s a quick exercise on the next page to get you started.
On the topic of “normal,” some combination of humbling and playful might keep you out of a
bottomless pit.
For a good balance, try:
•Man’s Search for Meaning (Viktor Frankl, 1946).
The author describes his experiences in a Naziconcentration camp in the context of finding his purpose and imagining the outcome. He shows that in even the worst of situations, minute human changes can infuse us with hope. He says:“Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with
almost any ‘how’.”
•Normal Norman (Tara Lazar, 2016). This humbling and playful children’s book involves a pizza-eating purple orangutan. As you read it, consider that the author was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis prior to its publication and has had to grapple with her own new normal.
Now, brace yourselves for today’s perfunctory disclaimer: “Y’ALL, THIS AIN’T THERAPY!” This is just a starting point, meant to be light and fun and also productive. But, if you want to, bring the exercise to your next session and we can talk about it. Also, if you have ideas for any future
communications that might be helpful to you or to others, please pass them on.
Yes, that’s right, I’m inviting you to give ME homework this time.
