During the holidays it can be simultaneously exhilarating and overwhelming and sometimes we can lose sight of what’s truly important. It is easy to become disconnected from your partner and start to feel stressed, exhausted, and even resentful when you feel like you have to make the holidays a magical time, you fear saying the dreaded word “no”, and lose sight of the true meaning of this time of year.
The holidays can be a time of increased stress that can cause an individual to become physically ill, experience an increase in depression and anxiety, and sometimes misuse substances. The increased stressors during the holidays such as lack of time, financial pressure to give the perfect gifts, and social gatherings can become too much and cause extra strain on your relationship.
It is time to embrace that good enough is the new perfect, that it is not about how much needs to get accomplished, who’s checking their list and marking it twice, its about just being mindful and remaining present in the little moments together where the best parts of being a couple live and the true connection happens.
1. Have a conversation about expectations; One’s expectations almost never match his or her reality. It is crucial to communicate with your partner your expectations for the holidays and support one another respectfully. Always listen with the goal of hearing to understand, not to only get your point across.
2. Decide together what to stink at; No one is perfect and no one can do everything and that is perfectly ok!
3. Create boundaries with family; It is so important to create and maintain boundaries with family and extended family, especially around the holidays. Regardless of how healthy or dysfunctional your family or extended family is, the holidays can create some unforeseen disagreements that can lead to tension, hurt feelings, and ultimately some unhealthy family dynamics.
4. Schedule intentional time to connect as a couple; During such a busy time of year, it is easy to get swept up in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. It is so important to remain mindful of not only connecting with your family and friends but making your partner feel as if they are just as important making them a priority will help you remain connected throughout the holiday season.
5. Tune into your partner’s needs; Although the holidays can be the most wonderful time of the year it is important to remember that the holidays can invoke numerous emotions that can potentially cause your partner to experience stress, anxiety, depression, feelings of grief, or even past trauma. Be mindful of your partner’s emotions and create a safe place for them to connect to you during the holidays.
6. Respond to each other’s bids; Basically, a bid is a little request from your partner to connect. So when you see the request; acknowledge and respond!
May the Force be with you,
Angelina Taylor, MSPsy
Marriage and Family Therapist
http://www.akconfluence.com/
907. 313.4433 Ext. 106
