Let’s continue to talk about me, you, and us. About the importance of self-care, self-love for one’s individual identity and for one’s relationship!
When we think about we-ness and me-ness in modern day relationships it’s important to realize a couple needs a healthy balance between both.
When you enter into a relationship you are a “me” and then you become a “we”, but why do couples often feel they have to lose the “me’ piece of themselves? If an individual struggles with self-love they might have a tendency to seek their worth from their partner, creating a loss of “me”.
It is essential that couples maintain a sense of me-ness within their relationship to ensure each partner is taking care of their own needs. It is a way to maintain a sense of independence that will foster a healthier and more fulfilling relationship.
By maintaining a sense of independence you are showing you value your partners autonomy. That you trust and love them enough to give them space for their own self-care, hobbies, friendships, etc. with a safe and supportive relationship to continue to return back to.
Physical, emotional, and spiritual self-care strengthens a relationship and fosters connection, It builds a sense of self-worth where the “me” does not get lost in the “we”.
It’s important to have enough self-love so that you make self-care just as much a priority as your partner needs because remember, your partner can’t always be there but self-care and self-love can.
Self-care and Self-love
It is so important to incorporate self-care into one’s routine but just as important is embracing self-love as well. In order to have a healthy relationship we’ve already addressed the importance of self-care but it’s very important to love yourself before you can fully love someone else. Self-care and self-love lead to healthier relationships overall because it can enhance compromise and respect, aid in conflict resolution, less emotional turmoil, and greater levels of relationship well-being.
Couples have different lives. Each person comes into a relationship as an individual person and it is important to maintain one’s own individual sense of identity. The concept of me, you, and us centers on both individual’s having their own independence but also an overlap as a couple. Each person should maintain his or her own friends, hobbies, and personal goals. A healthy relationship encompasses each individual’s own sense of identity while overlapping in a way that doesn’t completely revolve around one another.
If you look at the diagram below it’s clear to see that a successful and healthy relationship puts the individual first no matter what. That the “me” and “you” is individualized but safe within the “we” circle. It’s about giving one another space to continue to grow personally while maintaining a happiness when together and being supportive with one another when apart.
It’s important to keep in mind how important your own sense of identity is and how self-care and self-love support personal growth. When you focus all of your energy on your partner and the relationship you hinder your ability to grow individually. The diagram depicts a realistic representation of relationships. It shows us that no person can “complete” you but rather that person can share in your life with you.
You should always put yourself first to ensure you are making time for self-care and self-love. This will not always be easy but it is necessary for a healthy you and a healthy relationship. When’s the last time you checked in with yourself?
May the Force be with you,
Angelina Taylor, MSPsy, MAMFT
Marriage and Family Therapist
http://www.akconfluence.com/ – 907.313.4433 ext, 106
